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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Mommy's Lament

We're in a rough patch right now. I'm not sure what "the deal" is but we're struggling. The twinners just are not happy much of the time lately. It might be boredom in some ways- the days get long, and venturing out with them is often more than I feel I can handle; even going out to sit on the lawn requires suntan lotion, a big blanket, sun hats, and toys times 2. It could be teething, Elijah is about due to get some more chompers and who knows when Evelyn will start cutting some teeth, but both of them have been nomming nonstop on anything and everything in sight. Feeding times are confusing. Evelyn is hit or miss with solid food, and even when she does settle down and eat it she never eats enough to be satisfied. Elijah loves it most of the time but crumples most of it up in his hands and misses his mouth the vast majority of the time. As a result I feel like I'm back at the nursing stage- feeding constantly in one capacity or another as bottles get rejected but "real food" is begged for, or they have a "solid" meal but are not quite full and require a formula top-off. They hate the stroller- what kid hates the stroller?!
Morning wake ups and naps are quite wonky as well. Will they wake at 5am or 7? Should I make them wait to eat till 7? But then we'll be so incredibly grumpy by naptime....is it worth giving them a bottle and putting them back to bed? Maybe this just means an ealier nap...but then what does it mean for subsequent naps?
I won't lie, I am pretty sure with one baby this stuff wouldn't get to me as much. Or maybe I should say in the future when I have just one baby I'll remind myself how it was with two and I'll let stuff roll a bit more but right now I want, I desire, I NEED them to nap at the same time or I'll lose my mind.
I feel like a downer when people ask me how we're doing or "how it is with twins." Frankly, it's frustrating, and much as I hate to say it, I truly believe the baby stage just isn't my thing. I really don't like to admit that because it sounds like I don't like my kids! But that's not what I mean. I love them to pieces and am excited to see them every morning, they are adorable and much of the time a barrel of laughs and cuteness, I miss them after just a few hours of separation, I just don't do well with being clueless. I know, I know, most of parenting is trial and error, but I feel like I'll have a leg up in the guessing game of how to make a situation better if I at least know what the situation actually is.
Writing this is a catharsis of sorts, it makes me feel like I can explain better how I'm feeling to those who have asked lately how we are, and it helps me organize my thoughts on the current situation. That said, I know, because I've been told (and from experience), that soon enough we'll be past all this, I'll miss things about this stage and I shouldn't wish it away. So I remind myself that in a week, maybe two, definately by a month from now we'll be in a totally different stage that will also have it's positives and negatives. Today though, I'm going to bed praying for patience and happy days for my babes. I'm also thankful for a God who is ever-present and "on my side." My daily Bible verse today was Zephaniah 3:17 - The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Happy to know he's rooting for me :)


tim and nancy said...

I'm rootin' for you too Max. Hang in there, you are a great mom.

love ya, dad