Clinic

A few pictures from my weekend up in Big Rapids at the Circle B Ranch Horsemanship Clinic. The trainer - Larry Bourke is big in rodeo and does a lot of colt starting for area horse owners. He put on a clinic with three colts being broke and two afternoons of horsemanship classes. Kim rode one of the colts for him and I rode Kim's husband Troy's horse - Duke in the afternoon classes. I don't have any pictures of me riding but lots of the colts!

Larry on Hawk working Pacos in the round pen. Three horses- one pen!


Putting Pacos all the way down. One leg is tied up and a rope is pulled across their back until they lay down - as gracefully as possible -this teaches a horse quite quickly who is boss because they are completely immobilized and have to trust you. After they lay down the trainer sits on them and rubs their hands all over the horse's body.

Pacos
Warrior - the colt Kim worked with. He was very nosy, always watching what was going on in the round pen.

Decision Time

It's time to tell- I've been thinking about something for awhile now that has honestly been one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. I know I've made bigger life-altering decisions, but this one just seemed to run deeper and affect more people than the decisions I usually make. A week ago Tuesday I was offered a position at my church http://www.tccrca.org/ as (more or less) their new Youth Director. It is a part time position that involves planning and implementing a student-led youth ministry program. The Youth Director would have to interview and hire two interns to work with him/her during the following year to try to get the ministry to a point where the students might start to take more control of their own "youth group." I debated, and debated, and debated, and more or less had to make this decision without my husband since he is in Dallas and finding good times to sit and talk on the phone has never been our strong point.
So I decided: I'm taking the opportunity. I will go to part time at Standard and part time at Thornapple. I will also be volunteering with an organization that I discovered called Roanoke Ranch for Kids http://www.roanokeranch.com I cannot wait to get started, I think this will be so good for me. Hopefully my more fliexible schedule will allow me some stress relief. There will be different kinds of stress, but I have a feeling that it will be more good stress than bad. Time will tell!

Contemplation

As you grow older you learn about yourself. Little things, like how good a listener you are, when to leave well enough alone, when to keep your mouth shut (still working on this one), when to say you need space, to realize when others need space. You also learn what you're good at; what your true skills are, what needs work, and what skills you may never really acquire.
In school I was pretty much good at everything. It's funny when people talk about what they were good at in school because it's such a short period of one's entire life, but for someone my age school is still something you tend to judge yourself by- at 24 your time in school constitutes the majority of your life. Now I find myself in a "big-girl job," married, with a house and lots of bills that need to be paid. I can't do things just because I want to anymore, there are a lot more consequences. When it comes to careers or career changes I can't just decide based on how much I'll enjoy the job, I have to think about whether or not we can afford the change, and what the long-term effect on my life these choices will have.
As I said before, school was always pretty easy for me- I was a success. I tested well, wrote fantastic essays that got extra credit, and did just well enough in math to keep a modest grade. I always knew math was not a strong point, though I loved science. Most of the time a person is either good or bad at both. Not me, I loved the details of science but not those of math. I love the details of the human mind, of nature, of the plays on words and deeper meaning I find in literature. I like the details that stretch the mind. I never found those in my math class and so it didn't keep my attention well. Today, this affects me in new ways. I always thought I didn't succeed in math classes because I just wasn't good at it, plain and simple. My mind didn't do math. Now I realize my mind doesn't do those kinds of details naturally. The kind that take intense concentration on the smallest of decimals. The kind that is important when filling out paperwork, keeping files in order, and just plain doing the nitty gritty of a job in the business world. Its those same kind of details that I struggle with. And though it may sound like an excuse, I really think it is part of my nature to not be able to wrap my mind around those sorts of things. This is not to say I can't learn to do it, but it's a stumbling block and has been a shock to my confidence as well. I'm not used to not succeeding. And as terrible as it sounds, I'm not used to having to try so hard. A passing grade isn't enough anymore, not when money and reputation are concerned.
Now I know this, and now I have to decide if this is what I want for myself or not. I want to succeed, I will not back down from a situation just because I'm frustrated with it. However I have to decide in the long haul if this is what I want for myself.

Here is another thing that has changed since school. What happened to the social butterfly I was known as? I feel like the butterfly has crawled back into the cocoon. In high school I spent all day with people, couldn't get enough of them- over committed myself because I wanted to be everything to everyone and soak up all the world had to offer. I spent all day every day with friends, even when we needed sleep, we just napped at eachother's houses! We stayed up late, talked for hours about nothing, and enjoyed it. Now, more often than not, I want to be alone or with one or two other close friends. In large groups I'm quiet and reserved. I actually had some one tell me the other day that I needed to talk more, that I was too quite! That was truly a first. My family knows - I've never been quiet. I feel now as though I don't play well with others, at parties I'm thinking about getting home, about going to work tomorrow and how much it will suck if I'm tired for it. I avoid commitment to committees and parties because I am afraid I'll miss time with Andy or not get all the myriad of things done that I need done. Yet my car is dirty, my house is never as clean as I'd like it, and I still rarely see my husband. When did I become a homebody? Some part of me has gone missing and I don't know where it went or even how to begin looking for it. I also don't know if it's just a part of growing up. I hope it's not, I didn't intend to become a boring person as I got older. Right now, I'm feeling unfulfilled. Don't look at this as a cry for help, I'm just thinking out loud for those that wonder what I'm up to.

Making my Sister Feel Better...

She's right you know, blogs make you look so nice all the time. Because who really writes about how they fought with their husband or spanked their kid? (not that you should write about those things, I'm just stating a fact). So, to join my sister in the inner secrets release, here are some things I've learned about myself lately.
#1 I really enjoy shopping and I start to feel store-deprived after just a few days. For one thing, I knew this about myself earlier but have been reminded of it lately. For another, it's an exaggeration to a point because if I'm hiking in the mountains for a week or something where stores are not nearby, I'm not tempted and I do not miss them. However, grocery shopping is one of my guilty pleasures because it means I get to walk slowly up and down a whole bunch of isles perusing the sales and hunting down good deals. Following grocery shopping I always have lots of food in the house and we can finally eat a real meal. (as I can promise you I've probably put off the act of heading to the store for a few days at this point).
#2 A dirty/messy home makes me agitated by I don't always have the gumption to do anything about it.
#3 I tend to unfairly blame my husband for said mess when I'm feeling lazy (sorry honey!).
#4 I don't work out as much as I should and my lack of grocery shopping at times leads me to eating foods I shouldn't.
#5 We go WAY to long between loads of laundry at our house. Occasionally Andy has gone on a long trip only to come home with MORE CLOTHES THAN HE LEFT WITH b/c he bought more. I can't really take the blame for this because he fails to put his dirty clothes in the laundry quite often...but still.
#6 If you tell me a recipe is good, I most likely do not know what is in it because I guessed on ingredients as I made it.
#7 I want one of those defrosting plates.
#8 Indoor plants tend to die in my care.
#9 It's not always underwatering- quite often it's over-watering.
#10 My car needs a bath – BADLY
#11 I hate spending money on store-bought cards so those thank you/birthday/wedding cards you get from me where I went the extra mile to write a special note in a handmade or blank card out of a package of ten are really just me being cheap. That doesn't mean I don't mean what I wrote though!!!
#12 I like to be right.
Now here is another thing on my mind, and it is totally off-subject: Death of a Salesman. Ever read the book? It's not really relevant to what I'm going to say except that it keeps popping up in my head. I work in sales. Being a Christian is kinda like sales. Your life has gotta make other people want what you've got. I've realized this before but it's been refreshed. Thankfully God is in control over it and not me because I would inevitably screw it up. But I think I might have a gift for one and not the other...we will see. Cryptic- I know. Don't read too far into anything yet.

Oh For The Love of Gardening And Birthdays!

Well, I'm 24, and though 24 is young to some, it's the oldest I've ever been so don't knock it. :) Just kidding.

We had the whole Fam Damily over today for a mirade of birthdays:

Sydney - April 11th - One Year Old

Raegan - April 13th - Three Years Old

Krista - April 16th - Twenty-Four Years Old

Lori - April 23rd - Not Telling :)

It was a lot of fun and we finally got to make good use of not only the yard (more on that later) but also the sun porch which was just wonderful. It was so nice to sit out there in the 70+ degree weather and be shaded from the heat while enjoying the fresh air - LOVE IT! The men grilled up some hotdogs and burgers, we had salad, corn, potato salad, beans, spicy dip and chips...and of course, birthday cake. We sang, alot, at least four times for RG who loves the frivolity of it all and getting dressed up like a "princess."

Then there was Syd who being her typical unique self crawled around on the floor with a bracelet in her mouth:

Yes, we had a blast at the Heemstra Family Household and we are all ready for sleep (even Sam is passed out on the floor after almost a full day of being stuck in his cage).

Thank you to my hubby who spent all day yesterday helping me clean the house, shop for food, and fix up the yard to make it guest-worthy. Now we just pray for grass!!!

an addendum

Aside from Syd being a little under the weather everything went smoothly. Until...Autie Krista forgot that even though her niece is a big girl and goes on the big girl potty, she still needs to wear pull-ups when she is sleeping. Oops. That is officially the second time in one week that my bed has been peed on. Yes, I am afraid one of the cats has crystals in his urine and had an accident on the bed. (off to the vet we go) Anyways, lest I get too confident in my abilities (yeah, right) Raegan and her bladder kept me in check.

Watchin the Kiddos

Thursday, April 3rd - my house. I'm sitting here in front of the computer deciding what I'd like to do while my nieces nap in the only two bedrooms of my house. Andy is leaving for Florida in an hour or so and is taking a shower after having told me that he would like "five kids" lol after his 12 hour experience with RG and Syd. Me, I think I'd like to start with a newborn and work from there.
For those that will ask me once I relinquesh custody of the girls to their grandma and grandpa if I still want kids, the answer is yes. While playing "mom" for awhile is a lot of work, I can safely say that it is my kind of work. For one thing, while I know this isn't true for at least the first six months and is never a guarantee- I got more sleep last night than I typically do since the girls sleep until 7/7:30 and I normally get up at 6:30. Obviously it doesn't always work this way but having just stepped in for a day as a pseudo-mom, it was a plus. I also rather enjoyed staying in my pjs and eating breakfast with the girls rather than running out the door with a granola bar and coffee. Of course this has been a rather lazy day with no commitments, but I don't really remember the last time I actually got to sit down to eat a bowl of cereal in the morning unless it was a Saturday. Even Saturdays don't usually work that way since after never being home all week and having to devote my lunch breaks to running home and letting the dog out, I usually have way too many chores and errands to run on Saturday mornings to allow for a sit-down breakfast. Not to mention the fact that I only get two Saturdays a month off anyways.
Another plus is that though the work is non-stop (if these were really my kids and I was a SAHM I know I wouldn't be relaxing right now while they both nap) it is the kind of work that feels important and meaningful, rather than just something I enjoy, but is in the end a means to a paycheck.
Anyways, those are my thoughts on this sunny afternoon after spending an hour and a half outside on a blanket with Syd while RG ran around with the neighbor boy, while I chatted with the neighbors and soaked up the warm sun - something I rarely see during the week normally. The funniest part of all this - Samson has been cooped up in his cage or stuck outside all day and night so he is currently passed out on the floor amongst a pile of toys and with a little pink sketcher shoe between his front legs :) I'd take a picture but he'll wake up long before I get to the camera... I'm not sure he's ready to be a big brother just yet!