It's No Fun to Learn The Hard Way...

Here are a few things Samson has learned “the hard way” over the past few months:

It is impossible to come to a dead halt from running full tilt when there is 1/2” of ice under the snow. This only results in a face full of snow and skidding 6 feet on your side.

When you pee on Mom and Dad's bed you get your nose rubbed in it, thrown outside by the skin on the back of your neck, and confined to your cage for a loooong time. You are only let out once Mom and Dad are sure they won't kill you.

Mastiffs are big, very big. But kinda dumb.

Some small dogs bite back.

Snowballs, while fun to catch, are very hard to find when you drop them.

Peeing into the wind really does result in wet hind legs.

Cats are faster and more graceful than you. If they can't outrun you, they will turn around and smack you ten times across the face before you can say “oh sh**”

Cats swear (and can send you to hell) with their eyes.

It's really annoying to learn new tricks on wood floors- you slip all over the place!

You WILL get blamed no matter who made it smell bad in here. That's your payment for years of free food and warm beds.

If you're going to dig holes under fences during a big thaw in Michigan, you better learn to hold your breath so you can duck through the puddles.

It's not a good idea to jump on the fence while wearing a collar – it can get stuck and leave you dangling from the fence.

Cat boxes are full of goodies. However, watch out for Mom because she gets really mad at you when you come upstairs with kitty litter on your nose. Dad just thinks its funny.

When you chew up bedding, it ends up in your cage as your new “blankie.”

If you're thirsty, water directly from the tap is the best. Otherwise wait for someone to take a shower so you can help them get dry by licking off their legs.

NILIF- Nothing in Life is Free

Curling irons are hot- don't lick them.

If you don't behave on the collar that is made of soft, supple, leather. They're gonna bring out the prongs!

Dogs might get to know each other by sniffing rear ends, but CATS do not appreciate it.

French fries are better eaten then played with.

Humping legs will just get you a swift kick to the groin...

...and jumping just gets vinegar sprayed in your face :)

Go ahead, break out of the yard, but then what?

And finally... You ARE NOT the biggest, fiercest dog in the world, so when you meet a bigger dog, you better be ready to lay down on your back and beg for mercy!